FIRED: Bounce or Break?

If you realize that all things change, there is nothing you will try to hold on to.  If you are not afraid of dying, there is nothing you cannot achieve. -- Helen Keller

Namaste, fellow soul pilgrims.

I recently had a jolt when I was unexpectedly let go by my employer.  While I was decidedly unhappy due to the oppressive environment and issues that I found ethically challenging, being fired was still a blow to my ego.  The initial feelings surrounding this unexpected change were disbelief, anger, fear, and relief.  

In the beginning, the Universe simply tickled me with a feather, creating the itch to get back onto my path. Not ready, I brushed away the tickle.  The money and stability of the job seemed hard to give up. 

Then a baseball whizzed by my head, as the tickle increased in intensity and the heat of discomfort was turned up.  Still, I stubbornly clung to what I knew rather than risking the unknown.

Finally, I was hit by the infamous Brick of the Universe and fired from my job.  The message could no longer be dismissed:  Life is short.  Get back on track.

Thanks to a fantastic support network made up of loving family and friends, I BOUNCED rather than broke.   This is a great opportunity to walk my own talk - a practice which makes life all the richer.   

There is something to be said for congruency.

My former job was making me increasingly uncomfortable as the gap widened between what I believe and what I was doing on a daily basis.

My material needs must still be met. I am choosing to have faith, rather than fear, in this regard.  Fortunately my rent for the month is already paid, and my bills are pretty low.  I have some breathing space and am not crushed by anxiety.  Now is the time to think clearly and take balanced steps towards the future I truly want.  

Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will, and creative imagination.  These give us the ultimate human freedom... The power to choose, to respond, to change.  --  Stephen R Covey

I am not bitter.  My life was in a state of flux over the last couple of years as my marriage drew to an end.  Having a job to go to daily, even though it was not my dream job, was quite helpful for the sake of emotional stability.  Now I am living on my own and feeling much more settled, and I can see that the purpose my former job served was to be a bridge to get me to the other side.  I also got to work with some wonderful people and expand my social circle, in addition to learning new skills.  

NoW wHaT?  
Time to chill, meditate, write, contemplate.  Every step takes me either closer to or farther from living my passion.  I love helping people gain clarity along their own journey, so coaching/mentoring/counseling is the work for me.  Getting there requires thoughtfulness, intention, research, and leg work.  Oh, and that tiny thing called "patience."  Clientele is not built overnight.  

There is much to consider, and for my model I choose the way our First Nations ancestors made big decisions:  Quietly, consciously, consulting a supportive and wise group who desire the best possible outcome and take the time to count the cost.  

So if you want to find me, I will be sitting with a select group in my tepee, passing the peace pipe and listening.  If you would like to contribute your own thoughts or sage advice, please do.  There is freedom in clarity and peace of mind, and I seek both.

Prayer for peace and guidance in tumultuous times:

I am grateful for all that has been, all that is, and all that will be.  

I willingly yield my fear and anxiety regarding current and future circumstance, knowing that all of my needs have already been met.  

I open myself to every opportunity to walk in truth and lead the life I am meant to live, assisting others on their journey whenever possible.  My life is beautiful and fulfilling on every level.  

And so it is!

There is freedom in clarity and peace of mind and I shall have both. - See more at: http://kinecorder.com/peace-and-clarity-prayer/#sthash.WdUd5iOv.dpuf

There is freedom in clarity and peace of mind and I shall have both. - See more at: http://kinecorder.com/peace-and-clarity-prayer/#sthash.WdUd5iOv.dpuf

Fundamentally Flawed

"You cannot save people, you can only love them." ~Anais Nin

I recently endured an agonizing visit with an elder in my life who is in his middle 70s.  I make an effort to see him twice per month for coffee, but it gets harder each time. 
What is the most taxing for me is his downward spiral into the toxic grip of fundamentalism.  With his advancing age, the last thing I want to do is cause him "spiritual distress," which is the obvious outcome for fundamentalists when people close to them reject their very narrow interpretation of scripture.  

As is common with black/white thinkers, if there can be a rule made about something, he will make it or follow it.  I understand this line of thinking, and remember feeling safer about life when I did not have to do any real thinking for myself.  It is easier just to follow rules.  

It is said that when others irritate us, it's because they are reflecting back our own imperfections.  I'm sure you've heard that there is no nonsmoker more staunch than an ex-smoker.  I likely fall into that category when it comes to organized religion of the fundamentalist, literalistic variety.  As the circle of what is "morally acceptable" to this man shrinks, his circle of judgment grows.  Every piece of jewelry, every book on my bookshelf, every CD in my car is now suspect.

Incapable of making any decisions for himself, Jesus must now be consulted for everything.  In the past year alone, Jesus has apparently deemed jazz music, hockey games, and the nightly news to be off-limits.  If Jesus decries fast food, my elder will really be in trouble.  


Spend any time trying to actually engage with fundamentalists and you get the feeling you are speaking to a robot with a short circuit.  Now that his social circle is comprised almost completely of like-minded individuals, he is unable to discuss anything without circling back to his own religious agenda.   

I want to extend compassion to fundamentalists who are driven by fear.   My elder is truly afraid that his loved ones will not spend eternity with him, and feels a heavy burden to "pray us all into the Kingdom."  What I have tried to show him is this:  No one can save you but you. 

 If you ask a fundamentalist why outsiders avoid them, they will likely say it is because the outsider feels "convicted."  Fundies see the rest of us as unholy, requiring recognition that only their particular God/set of rules will set us free ... to spend the rest of our lives obeying those same rules.  

Seek the truth or bury your head in the sand.  Both require digging.

Maturity is obtained through experience.  One of the indications of maturity is our desire to seek out truth, releasing perceptions that are untrue - or only partly true.  When we refuse to entertain deeper truths, our "perceptual systems cloud over," according to author Caroline Myss.  I reached a point in my own life when pat answers and circular reasoning no longer cut it for me.  I am not saying that all people of faith fall into the same disturbing, unthinking category; but I am saying that it seems to typify fundamentalists.

Another phenomenon which keeps fundies trapped in their Tribal mindset is the inability to view events symbolically.  One example of this is Believers who cling tenaciously to mythology as being literal.  This is an immaturity which parents see in children.  Until a certain age, kids only understand concrete ideas and are unable to entertain abstract notions.  At a certain point, however, children develop the ability to understand folly; to conceptualize or generalize, understanding that each concept can have multiple meanings.  This ability is missing in fundamentalists when it comes to their faith.  It is a blind spot for them. 

Truths contained in different religious teachings are intended to unite us, not to separate us.  Literal interpretation breeds separation.  Interpretation on a symbolic level - recognizing that all of these teachings address the identical design of our spiritual natures - brings us together.

Just as we cannot force a bud to bloom any faster, we cannot force people to mature on any timetable other than their own.  It is part of their lesson - and if you have a fundy in your life, it is part of yours, too.

Namaste,
Rev. Janice
 I willingly and lovingly release all beings to learn their lessons on their own timetable, rather than mine. I embody compassion and grace in every situation, extending them equally to all.  I am ruled by loving kindness and charity. 

Embracing the Void

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
 -Andre Gide

Namaste, fellow pilgrims.  As January draws to a close, my life has taken quite a shift.  I am finishing one chapter of my life and beginning a new one.  As with most change, seeds were planted years ago that germinated and finally took root.  Also as with most change, parts of it have been incredibly painful.  I can relate to the words of St. Paul: "For we know that the whole of Creation is groaning together in the pains of childbirth until this hour."  Thankfully my change does not involve pregnancy (there IS a God!), but my pains have been real nonetheless.

Relationship pain is one of the most difficult to endure.  To wrestle with what really is versus what is not, what has never been and what will never be, is a formidable task.  It would be easier, I think, to just pretend that all is well.  However, it is in that dreadful void between What Was and What May Be that creation occurs.  The void created by loss in the midst of change is unknown, unpredictable, and uncomfortable.  It is a physiological sign of change, that the old is dying - and it is time to create a new you.

Forward thinkers have shown us that we must think greater than our environment.  If your current environment is one of loss and pain, it is very important to visualize a better future for yourself.  I recently attended a conference by Dr. Joe Dispenza all about Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself.  Dr. Joe spoke of a chemical/hormonal cocktail created by our bodies for every emotion.  Whenever we feel that emotion again, our body serves up that same cocktail.  Our body becomes accustomed to maintaining a balance, and when we are in the midst of change, that balance gets thrown off.  Even change for the better.  The body and ego would rather keep you under control, and will let you know very quickly via anxiety that it does not approve of your attempt at change.  DON'T GIVE UP!  Change is hard, but it is so worth it in the end.  

If you are fortunate, 365 days will pass from this day.   How can your life look different in those 365 days?  The time will pass, regardless of what you do.  Meditate, contemplate, concentrate.  The future is yours to do with what you will.  No excuses, just experiences.  LIFE HAS NO REMOTE.  YOU HAVE TO GET UP AND CHANGE IT YOURSELF.

Prayer
I affirm that the entire Universe supports me and desires my growth.  I will remain open to the challenges and changes that God allows to foster that growth.  Love is all around me, and I receive it from everywhere and everyone. 

Adjusting my sails,
Rev. Jan

The Countdown is On

The world is my country, all mankind are my brethren, and to do good is my religion. - Thomas Paine

Namaste, fellow pilgrims.
I have come to love Paine's quote, and do my best to live it out.  As I look back on 2012, I recognize that I fell short of this goal.  At times I have made choices that did not honor who I am nor those close to me.  It has been a humbling year and a painful one, but also full of growth and continued self-discovery.    For how do we learn, if not by making mistakes?  
In life, the tests come first - the lessons follow.  

My lessons this year have provided me with  piercing insight into who I truly am, what is important to me, and what is required of me in order to continue moving in the direction I want to go.  I see that 2013 for me will be a year of letting go of the familiar and embracing the new.  Yes, I am scared; but I am also curious and optimistic.  Regardless of the outcome, stepping out into the unknown is essential for our growth.  I would rather try new things and fail than spend my life wondering. It's like there is a cosmic clock ticking, reminding me that there is a season to all things.  I don't recall hearing that clock before.  It gives me courage to truly pursue the life that I dream of living... right now. 

I have come to see this world as the Ultimate Schoolhouse, with my purpose simply to learn all that I can.  Lessons come through love and loss, failure and triumph.  Indeed, what appears at first to be the biggest mistake can lead to the greatest discovery!  Perspective is everything.  Do not get mired down by guilt or grief or anything else.  Learn your lesson and move on, applying what you have learned to future situations.

LESSONS FROM 2012
NEW JOB = Overwhelming, terrifying, frustrating, and eventually, pretty good. 
Lesson learned:  Don't give up too soon.
DREADLOCKS =  Now sporting shorter hair.  
Lesson learned:  We can't always have what we want right when we want it.
FIRST FESTIVAL ON MY OWN = Incredibly liberating. Going required all my courage, but I was successful in my endeavors and enjoyed myself very much.  
Lesson learned:  Don't let fear stop you.

There were other lessons along the way, some too personal to share here.  I give thanks for each one.

As we head boldly into 2013, a year of great spiritual transition for our planet, take a look at the list below (courtesy of King Solomon) and ask:  What time is it for you?

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace. 

Seek what good you can do, what joy you can bring, what peace you can find in 2013.  Know that you will experience both light and darkness, but it is your choice where you will dwell.

Wishing you every lesson required for your own growth and discovery,
Rev. Jan

WINDS OF CHANGE

"Let go or be dragged."  ~ Zen proverb

My life has been a whirlwind over the last couple of months.  Change has been creeping in, flowing in, and dropping in.  There have been whispers and shouts, gentle hints and bricks aimed squarely at my head.  The above quote has been a great help to me in the midst of so much change, a reminder to be diligent in holding all things loosely, for nothing truly belongs to me. 

The very notion of change can be threatening, as we worry about the unknown.  When I was  ultra conservative in my religious views, I did not welcome change.  I felt safe within my walls.  It was Us versus Them, and anything that threatened my viewpoint definitely fell into the latter category!   Alas, whether we embrace it or fear it, change comes.  

Now that I am in my 40s, I tend to be much more philosophical about change.  It is necessary.  It keeps me growing.  It makes life more interesting.  Marriage stagnates without change - just like government, and even the environment.  No one welcomes the forest fire, but it is necessary, clearing out the dead debris in favor of new life. 

STAGES OF CHANGE:

As with grief, there are definite periods we experience when we are in times of change.  According to Dr. Elizabeth Harper Neeld, there are 4 basic stages in "the Terrain of Tough Transitions."  

1.  RESPONDING - At this initial stage of change, our emotions are basically haywire, as our      assumptive world disappears.

2.  REVIEWING - In this stage we tend to ask questions; join community; deal with anger; imagine possibilities, and assert that something must be different.

3.  REORGANIZING - Having survived thus far, our new identity begins to emerge:  New thinking, new behaviors, and yes - even new problems.  When in the Reorganizing phase of transition, we retrieve threads of purpose from "before," while jettisoning the outdated.

4.  RENEWING -  At this stage we are living life in "the new normal."  We have achieved creative outcomes with new ideas and vantage points.  We are reaching hope, continuing on to faith, and even creating joy.

Just like the Stages of Grief, the Terrain of Tough Transitions is messy.   It overlaps and doubles back at times.  This is because humans are complex, and we experience change on many levels.  Our personality, how we were raised, and our personal world view are just a few of the things which may impact how we respond to the changes in our life, whether we choose them or they are thrust upon us.

My recent changes have been positive.  One was anticipated:  a happy move to a better neighborhood.  This was tiring, but relatively simple.  The next change, a job offer, came as a total surprise to me.  Unexpected shift, even when it is good, can take significant adjusting.  This will be a positive transition for me, with many rich opportunities and benefits.  I will be in a teaching/mentoring position, working directly with students, which I love to do.  

Lately I have been meditating on how I can be of greater help to more people, and in came this totally unsolicited job offer.  Something inside of me knows that the Universe itself has opened this doorway, and it is time for me to walk through.  It will be a huge adjustment to me and my family, going from having mom home all the time to suddenly gone 8 hours a day.  In fact, my kids are the only reason I have tossed and turned about the opportunity.  It is now time for them to learn about change, too; that it is inevitable, but how we frame it can make all the difference.  

I am excited about the lessons that will come with my new job.  Not the lessons that I will teach, but the lessons that I will learn.  And that, gentle reader, is what change is all about.  

"Not in their goals, but in their transitions, are people great."  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson 

I am indebted to Elizabeth Harper Neeld, PhD, for her tremendous book Tough Transitions:  Navigating Your Way Through Difficult Times.

Prayer in times of change:

As I breathe in the winds of change, I give thanks for the One who has sent the wind.  I affirm that the Universe is wise and benevolent, wanting only my Highest Good.  I receive my Highest Good, in whatever form it may take.  I know that growth is always positive, and I desire to help others in their growth even as I embrace my own.  I thank God for the opportunities that await me with this change, and release these words into the Universal Mind, knowing that All is Well.  And so it is. 

~ Rev. Jan

FROM FUNDAMENTALIST TO FREE

"Conformity is the jailer of freedom and the enemy of growth."  - John F. Kennedy

Many of you know that my spiritual background is that of a fundamentalist Christian, who literally believed every word of the Bible:  Every story, every event, every person listed in that Good Book.  However, I have undergone many paradigm shifts through the last years, and my beliefs have changed considerably.  

Before going any further, let me just say that I know many religious people who are extremely satisfied with their chosen beliefs, and whose lives exemplify love and service.  They are healthy individuals who eat the meat and spit out the bones of religion, rather than being choked by them.

 

As for me:

My concept of God has expanded from an anthropomorphic view.  I now see God in everyone, regardless of whether they have “invited” him in.  I believe in a Divine Consciousness; a cosmic, universal oneness.  I believe that those who have gone before us are still available to us, so that we can tap into their collective wisdom.  One of my favorite problem-solving meditations, in fact, has me seated at a table with admired souls from history (including my beloved grandparents), who all make themselves available to help me find a solution!  I believe that certain persons throughout history are true spiritual masters, having evolved to such an extent spiritually that they set the supreme example of love, compassion, and peace for the rest of us.

As for an afterlife, reincarnation makes the most sense to me.  When I read about out-of-body and life-after-death experiences, these seem to confirm reincarnation to me.   I also believe that part of what happens in the afterlife is based on what we expect to happen.  It makes sense to me that souls who have adhered strictly to a certain religion would congregate together in the afterlife.   I no longer believe in a literal hell where one is tormented and tortured eternally, with no hope of relief.  I believe that we view, experience, and judge our own actions once we leave this body, and that if more time is required to learn specific lessons, further events will be experienced until we evolve spiritually.   To me, this is much more in line with a philosophy of love than the notion that people will be eternally cast into a pit of darkness for simply failing to adhere to the “correct” set of beliefs.

My goal is to learn absolutely as much as I can during this lifetime.  I want to study and grow, exchange thoughts and views with other people.  I will never again allow any one person or group to dictate to me how I must live or what I must believe.  If I encounter philosophies in the future that make more sense to me than my current ones, I AM FREE TO CHANGE MY BELIEFS…. AND SO ARE YOU!

There is one person to whom and one person for whom you are completely responsible:  YOU.  What others think is best for you, what others think is "The Truth," and even what others want for you is irrelevant.   Everyone is molded and bound by something; the trick is not to allow anyone else’s baggage to bind YOU!    Have you ever wanted to _______?  Is it your secret passion to ________?  As a child, did you feel driven to ________?  Well today is your lucky day!  Because YOU are the one with the ambition and the power to make ________ a reality! 

I have found that The Big Three can be either incredibly beneficial or unbelievably harmful as we walk our road:  Faith, Family, and Finances.  These can either embolden us to live out our dreams, or trap us into a fearful, unsatisfying life.   

“My faith does not allow _____.”  

“My family would be horrified if I _____.”   

“I could never afford to _____.”   

Once you discover who is REALLY in charge, these excuses no longer hold water.  If your religion keeps you from living your dreams, it is time for a DIVORCE.  If your family’s love for you is dependent upon you believing a prescribed doctrine, you both need some shaking up.  And if your finances are currently too limiting to live your dream all at once, you do it the same way you would eat an elephant:  One bite at a time!  Start today.  There are always small steps you can take on the pathway to living your dream. 

SET YOURSELF FREE!   Drop limiting beliefs and limiting people.  Surround yourself with those who support you.  Only read, watch, and do what absolutely inspires you!  One day you will take your last breath.  Until then, I urge you to squeeze every bit of life from every minute you are given!  Don’t waste your valuable time trying to live up to anyone else’s expectations or beliefs.   Learn what it takes to make your own dreams a reality, and get on with it.  If no one else believes you can do it, I DO.  Send me a postcard when you get there.

Heresy or Enlightenment?

I drank the silence of God from a spring in the woods. - Georg Trakl

Namaste, fellow Soul Pilgrims.  Creation is breathing a sigh of relief, freed from the constraints of winter.  

As I am a big fan of springtime, it felt strange to awaken on Easter Sunday feeling blue. I recognized the feeling, as it was present to a lesser degree around Christmas.  Christmas and Easter are the two "holiest" days of Christendom, when even nominal believers make their way into the pews, usually under pressure of family.  This year I was not in their company, and it made me realize that there is loss that comes with liberation, and vice versa.

I recalled the tangible joy I had previously felt when celebrating Christmas and Easter in the company of others who venerated those days.  Easter was especially significant, and it was a very big deal to greet  the church family with the traditional Christian greeting:  "He (Jesus) is risen!", met with the joyous reply: "He is risen, indeed!" 

Those words were so precious to me throughout my life.  They encapsulated my raison d'etre:  I lived only to reflect God's glory and to draw others to Him - through my particular religion.  For me and others who shared my religious persuasion, life revolved around attending Sunday services, weekly Bible studies, spending time with Christian friends listening to Christian music, discussing Christian books (purchased from a Christian store, of course).   "Drawing others to Him" meant actively seeking out The Lost to convert from their heathen lifestyles. 

I had read many books on how to "witness" to people who were deluded into thinking that their own religion - the one they had either chosen or been raised with - was actually true.  I sincerely believed that I alone held the truth, and was charged with trying to "enlighten" others to the fact that they were believing a lie.  Forget the fact that they cherished their own religious traditions just as I did, taking solace and comfort from their own beliefs.  

The older I get, the more I realize that no one group or philosophy holds the key.  As Ram Dass, one of my favorite spiritual teachers, has said:  "We're all just walking each other home."  Whether our road is that of Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Hinduism, or any other "ism," we are all living in borrowed vessels on borrowed time, until our return to Spirit - which is our natural state.  The religious or philosophical road we travel during our time here will ultimately lead to the same destination.

I understand if this bugs you and gets under your skin.  Pray for my soul if it pleases you.  However, a mind  expanded can never return to its previous dimensions.  While I do miss the feeling of belonging to a club with a special "members only" greeting, it is not enough for me to resume my seat in the pew as if nothing has changed.   I feel that, over the past few years, EVERYTHING has changed. 

I like the freedom that I now have to listen and think and judge for myself.  I like the openness and grace that I now naturally extend to others - not just to those who hold my own views.  A friend recently pointed out to me the irony that, once I left the Church, I became a lot more like Jesus.  

PRAYER:

I celebrate being a part of the Universal Consciousness.  I recognize the many truths that are reflected by all members, and give thanks for the Masters who have gone before to show us True Love.  I acknowledge that we are all Soul Pilgrims, passing through this life, walking each other home.  May love, freedom, and grace be our companions along our chosen roads, and may we gain insight with every step.

On Loss

"He that conceals his grief finds no remedy for it." 
~ Turkish proverb

I have recently been reminded of grief in the lives of those around me.  Grief always centers on a loss which one perceives as significant, though not always a human relationship.  In addition to losing a loved one, we can grieve the loss of a job; a pet; health; our dreams, and even our very faith.

When our youngest daughter was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes a few years ago, I entered into the process of grieving the relatively easy life we had known previously, as well as the expectation for her pain-free and healthy future.  Suddenly a new level of stress descended upon us as her parents, and it has remained our constant companion.  

She has gone through her own period of deep grief, mourning "the good old days" before finger pricks, needle pokes, diligently monitoring carb intake and food ingredients, missing out on the cake & candy at class parties if her sugars are too high, and having to constantly carry a bulky pack around with all of her supplies.  It is a frustrating, painful, terrifying, and inconvenient disease.  And so we mourn.

My husband went through his own grief when he realized that his career dreams were not going to reach fruition, even though he had tried his hardest to make them reality.  He was crushed, and remained entrenched in his grief for a number of years.   The loss of dreams can be doubly hard, because they are not as tangible as the loss of people.

According to Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, there are 5 STAGES OF GRIEF.  These include:  
1.  Denial and Isolation.   "This is NOT happening. I will not acknowledge it and it will go away."
2.  Anger.  "UNFAIR!  I do not deserve this *&%$ to be happening."
3.  Bargaining.  "Okay, God.  If you stop this from happening, I promise to become a nun."
4.  Depression.  "Life is not worth living since this has happened."
5.  Acceptance.   "This has happened.  It stinks, but life goes on.  What's for dinner?"

It would be great to  just cruise through all of these stages in a "reasonable" amount of time, and have our grief thoroughly and quickly dealt with.  However, we get stuck in some stages, and even bounce back and forth between them, adding to the confusion:  "I thought I dealt with this already!"  Welcome to life in the real world.  If you haven't encountered grief yet, you will.  It is a necessary part of the human condition, and can be absolutely transformational if we walk through it completely and with openness to the rich lessons that can result. 

My beliefs about suffering and loss revolve around spiritual growth.  I believe that we choose our life lessons prior to our birth, as well as the length of time we will be here.  When the lessons have been learned and our time here has been spent, we return to Spirit (God), which is our true home.   I believe that we not only choose those with whom we have intimate contact on earth, but that we also likely know them in spirit, as well.  Sometimes our irritating, upsetting relational issues here are exactly what is needed in order for us to burn up previous karma .  I do not have all of the answers, I am just sharing what makes sense to me, and what has helped me to deal with my own grief.

It is very easy to fall into the trap of believing that we have to be "the best" wife, mother, father, child, friend, etc.; at least on an unconscious level.   In my own life the trap I fell into related to my spiritual identity.  I was going to be The Best Christian Ever.  No one would live their life more consciously than me, basing every thought, conversation, and action on the Bible.   It's like my religion was my reason for being; all else paled in comparison.  My main reason for existence was to win souls for the Kingdom of Heaven.

Trying to be "the best" eventually becomes second nature to us, and we continually try to live up to the image we perceive that others have of us.  Eventually, we find ourselves depressed and unhappy about life and unfulfilled in our dreams.  This is very significant:  When we give our power to other people, dreams, and beliefs, we have not been true to who we are.  WE CAN NEVER BE TRULY HAPPY UNTIL WE LIVE OUR OWN LIVES - not just the life that others tell us we should live.

Often we have compromised our individuality and not been true to ourselves because of the desire to please.  So when the loved one dies or the relationship is severed (or in my case, when our faith shockingly and painfully dissolves), we are left with no sense of self-esteem because so much of our identities were tied to the other.  All that is left is a sense of emptiness and loneliness. 

I am very pleased to tell you that life does go on.  The mourning may last for years, and it is painful.  When I was walking through my own grief about my loss of faith - which was far harder than any other loss I have ever experienced - I felt like I was in a tiny dinghy, out on a vast ocean with no one else around.  And I mean NO ONE.  I went from believing that Jesus was my BFF and God was always there, caring for me and loving me, to not even being certain that there IS a God, or even an afterlife.  I am not exaggerating when I tell you I felt desperate, shattered, devastated, and utterly alone.  I pulled up the covers over my head some days and wept bitter, terrified tears.  I could not discuss this with my religious friends, as it would likely only result in chastisement ("You just need more faith!").  I could not discuss it with my family because it was such a huge paradigm shift that I did not want to subject them to it, to my own terrifying fears that everything my life was based on had been untrue.  At times my grief was so overwhelming that I contemplated ending my pain permanently.  The loss was that deep.

How did I get through it?  I read everything I could find by others who had come through similar trauma  and survived.  I opened my mind and heart to any possible lessons that could be learned from my situation.  I started discussing my fears and grief with others who were loving and nonjudgmental.  I went to my doctor when I was scared of my own desperation, and sought medical help to get me through the hardest times.  I prayed, even though I wasn't sure if anyone would hear me.  And here I am, on the other side of it all.  I made it - and so will you.

MY ADVICE ON SURVIVING GRIEF AND LOSS:

*Research.  Read.  Attend lectures, seminars, or anything else that pertains to your situation.

*Surround yourself with those who love you and want only your peace & happiness.  

*Realize that FREEDOM comes with loss.  Was your time and energy totally consumed by this other person?  Now you are released - so make the most of it.  Explore your old creative passions and hobbies - things that excited you and made you happy!  

*BE TRUE TO YOURSELF.  

*Practice "Extreme Self Care," as my dear friend Trish advises.  Find out what makes your soul sing with joy, and do it!  This may be as simple as a bubble bath with a good book, or as grand as finally taking your dream vacation.

*Experience your feelings.  Don't deny them or pretend that it isn't so bad.  If you try to omit this important step in your grief, you prolong it.

I now have a fantastic group of spiritually open, loving, thoughtful friends.  It was hard to rebuild my life, but I did it (thank you, Facebook!).

I am grateful to Ms. Kubler-Ross and to Mr. James Van Praagh for what they have taught me about grief.

Don't give up!  There is life after loss. 
~Rev. Jan

SHAME ON YOU? NO WAY!

Share whatever it is you're ashamed about. You may think you can hide your shame by not talking about it, but in reality, it's your shame that's hiding you.

--Adam Appleson

Lately the issue of shame has come up with various friends and clients.  Few have been willing to actually come clean and tell me what it is that has them feeling ashamed, but I can tell it is there just the same, dragging them down into the abyss of fear.  WHAT IF SOMEONE FINDS OUT WHAT I HAVE DONE?  WHAT IF THEY SEE HOW BAD I REALLY AM? 

We have all done things we regret.  It is part of being human.  Shame, however, goes deeper than regret.  Regret says that we have learned something and will do our best to avoid those circumstances again.  But shame threatens to envelop us, to consume us altogether.  It is, in general, a devastating emotion that humans will do just about anything to avoid.  I liken shame to feeling as if one is drowning, with no hope of a life preserver.

I am here today to tell you that the condemnation and fear you feel from your shame need not hold you in its grip one more minute.  Today is the day YOU can set yourself free from shame.  It has no place in your life, I don't care what you have done.  It is a worthless emotion that has taken the lives of far too many good people.

 

Shame often stems from a childhood where the parents have been either rigidly moralistic, or unable to own their own wrongdoings.  These parents then project their issues onto the innocent child: YOU.  The child takes on the emotional responsibility for the parents at this point. This leads some kids to become super good and perfectionistic, while leading other kids to fight for visibility by carrying the "badness" or shame of their parents out into the open.  They feel that they are otherwise not visible to their parents, and act out in order to gain their attention.  The parents then negatively reinforce the behavior through shameful punishment or words, and the child adds more reinforced, bad behaviors to form an identity:  The Black Sheep.  

The shame that you carry does not serve you.  At one time it served someone else, someone who had authority over you, and who had not dealt with their own issues.  They no longer hold that authority, because you are now a fully grown, mature, independent being.  You are no longer a confused, scared child desperate to gain approval.  You are a loving, compassionate being who can view those former authority figures with pity.  There is no need for anger or disdain; those do not serve you, either.  Let forgiveness and compassion be your best friends and constant companions.  Forgive others, and forgive yourself.

Picture a very young child all alone on a stage.  Would you stand there and yell at a child of 3 or 4 years old, telling her she was stupid and never did anything right, and maybe even hit her a few times just to make your point?  Of course not!  If you did, that child would either end up completely docile and hurting in a corner, or tearing around like a bat out of hell destroying all they could get their little hands on.  Instead, you would tell her how much you love her; how much you care; how very bright and good and clever and sweet she is; that you love the way she does things, and that it is okay for her to make mistakes.

Each of us has that 3-year-old child within us, and we spend most of our time yelling at that poor kid.  This is why our lives don't work.  We continue acting out the script that was written for us when we had no control.  Well I am telling you that now you DO have control over your life.  Refuse to live in shame any longer.  Refuse to behave as one who is ashamed.  LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO GROW UP,  dear one.  Take responsibility and own what is truly yours - and let the rest go.  Forgiveness is the path.

"We are all here to transcend our early limitations, whatever they were.  We're here to recognize our own magnificence and divinity no matter what they told us."  ~ Louise Hay

Spiritual Mind Treatment:

God is LOVE. I am a child of the infinite source, and my consciousness soars. I am a blessing unfolding. I am free from all shame and judgment; I willingly release the past, and live my life in right action.  God is at work in my life. My life is balanced and healthy, and I am grateful.  I turn it over to the infinite law, which is even now unfolding.  I let it be, and so it is.

*Thank you to my beloved Louise Hay for her beautiful insights, and also to Andrea Mathews, L.P.C.

The VERY BEST Advice

Namaste, fellow Soul Pilgrims!

Here we are in 2012, hard as it is to believe.  Regardless of the hype about this year and the Mayan calendar, I trust you are filled with hope and anticipation about the vast potential that the new year holds for each of us!  I know I am.  Let this be your year!

I recently started practicing healing massage as an addition to my Soul Pilgrim Services, and it has been absolutely wonderful!  I just love laying my hands on people with the goal of of helping them to relax and de-stress, as well as being a channel for Universal love, the most healing factor of all!  In addition to adding massage to my list of skills and income generators, I hope this year to also start speaking at various retreats, particularly on the issue of Life Transitions.  This is a passion of mine, helping people to see that transitions are a fantastic gateway to living the life we really want, rather than simply something to be endured.  

On this topic, the very best advice I ever received came from one of my older siblings.  On the occasion of my 40th birthday, my brother sent me a brief, but incredibly important message.  It said:  

"Your life is now officially getting shorter!  Do what makes you happy."

Take a minute to digest that.  I felt simultaneously slapped in the face and given my freedom all at the same time (sounds like a sibling dynamic to me).  I don't know why it hit me so hard; perhaps because it was on a birthday that had a 0 at the end.  Those ones are great for making us take a good look at where we are, where we've been, and where we want to go.  I was definitely ripe for his sage words.  

YOUR LIFE IS OFFICIALLY GETTING SHORTER.  

Not exactly the words one longs to hear, especially when hitting the Big 4-0 (which, in Roman numerals, is XL.  How ironic is that?!).  But I would rather have the truth hurt me than be comforted by a lie any day of the week! Those words were a tremendous gift to me:  A timely reminder that my days in this body will one day draw to a close.  Will I have truly LIVED them out, or merely existed?  Wake up and live every day that you have left!

DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.  

Thank you, thank you, my wonderful Big Brother!  Thank you for affirming me and setting me free.  These words were a beautiful gift to me.  And I took them to heart, believe me.  I now do what makes me happy, without regard for what others think.  Case in point:  Tonight you will find me in my living room, having fun with my hula hoop!  Sporting dreadlocks and my old PJs!  In no makeup!  Why?  Because it makes me happy.   Life gets serious very quickly.  Seize those giggles and blissful sighs whenever you can!  Need further proof that I don't care what nay-sayers may think?  Next week I am taking my daughter out to a belly dance class!  Because it makes me happy.  

Do you get it?  Life is getting SHORTER.  Do what you want, when you want.  Do not waste your time - the most precious gift of all - being a martyr, or living a life that makes you miserable.  Your happiness is up to you!  

What would make you happy?  A career change?  A different relationship?  An improved relationship? Changing your appearance?  Increasing your bank account?  While these things may not be able to happen over night, you can take your first step TODAY towards living out that happiness.  Your life is an absolute gift to you.  Do not squander it.  Make it truly your own.  Don't wait for anyone else to give you permission - just do what makes you happy.  Today.

I recognize the infinite creative, intelligent, loving Force that permeates all.  I acknowledge that I am a part of this Universal Energy.  I realize that my every desire is available to me, and that the Universe conspires in my favor constantly to manifest those desires! I acknowledge that it is up to me to walk through the doors which are opened unto me daily.  I give thanks for the awakening I have received today, and receive with gratitude the opportunity to fully live my own life.   I release these powerful words into the Law of Mind, knowing that it is already so.  And so it is.  

Wishing you your own revelations about happiness,

Rev. Jan.

The Hairdo That Says It All

Namaste, fellow Soul Pilgrims!

I recently got drastic with my hair.  Very drastic.  In fact, you might say it is dreadful, what I did.  And you'd be right!  After research and soul search, I decided to take the plunge - and transform my head of beautiful, long, curly tresses into dreadlocks.  That's right:  DREADLOCKS. Those funky-looking, messy, snake-like twists of hairy strangeness!

Quick - what comes to your mind?  Besides the obvious, that I must have lost mine.  I mean, when you come across people with dreads, what is your immediate thought about them?   I'll tell you what I have always thought when encountering a dreadhead:  That they march to their own drummer, flout convention, and simply do not care what others think of them.  And let's not forget that other small bit about totally telling Fashion Dictators to get stuffed!  I confess to loving all of those notions, but for me there was more to the story.

If you have followed my posts from Day 1, you are familiar with my spiritual odyssey, having left behind my ultra conservative views and embraced a much larger philosophy.  My views on God have expanded, my fears have largely subsided, and my judgments against my fellow man continue to drop away.  I much prefer this open-minded person; this imperfect person who thrives on questioning and seeking, who refuses to ever again be told WHAT or HOW to think.  This is the state I find myself in now, in my early 40s.  And it was with this in mind that I decided to say "Goodbye!" to my crowning glory - at least in conventional terms.  My hair is still all there, but it looks anything but glorious at this point.

Only a month in, my dreads are still considered babies.  They are wild and unruly and thoroughly disobedient.  I chose to do them myself (with the help of a dear friend & my patient family) and have opted to go natural with them:  No wax or products to help them lock up faster or "look neater."  To me, the journey my dreads go through is symbolic of my own journey through this life.  We all start somewhere, and it takes time to grow and mature!  I would never disrespect those who choose to go to a salon and have their dreads professionally done - that is part of their own journey.  For me, however, part of my own journey is letting go of the frantic need to keep up appearances.  The day I did my dreads was the day I took myself out of the rat race of physical beauty.  It seems crazy to me that in my 40s I am expected to try and look like I did in my 20s, etc.  That whole "cougar thing" just was not working for me.  Happily, it would seem that dreading my hair and having it look totally weird, wild, crazy, funky, and messy DOES work for me!  Whodathunkit? 

Kudos go out here to my delightful and exceedingly patient husband, who has put up with so many changes from me over the last 5 years.  When a friend recently asked how he could stand my new hairdo, he simply smiled, shrugged, and replied: "It's Janice!  A month from now she will be doing something else crazy."   After a mere 17 years of marriage, I think he finally understands me!

So I am ending 2011 on a very happy note.  I am pleased with who I am and who I am becoming.  I am thankful for all of the love in my life.  I am grateful for another year of good health for me and my loved ones!  It pleases me that I am able to be more and more myself, and feel so comfortable doing it. 

"We will open the book.  Its pages are blank.  We are going to put words on them ourselves.  The book is called Opportunity, and its first chapter is New Year's Day." 

~ Edith Lovejoy Pierce

May 2012 bring you growth, love, triumph, abundance, and inner peace.  Thank you for sharing my journey.

-Rev. Jan

Stress As Teacher

Namaste, fellow Pilgrims.

I live in the Okanagan Valley, which is a beautiful place to be.  At night when I look around me, I see the lights of  thousands of homes twinkling brightly on the hills which surround me, looking like an ethereal fairieland.  Recently, however, the Universe gave me a great reminder:  Every one of those twinkling lights represents a person or family living with stress.  New baby or aging parent.  New job or laid off.  Newly married or newly separated.  The list of possible stressors is pretty much endless.

Whether a joyfully anticipated change or a sudden and unwanted one, change = stress to human beings.  To be alive means to live with stress, particularly in our modern, fast paced Western world.  I can't be the only one who has thought of running away and joining a convent/monastery - without even being Roman Catholic or Buddhist!  It is simply the price we pay for being alive.

The trick is to change the way we view stress.  To be sure, our immediate reaction is generally anxiety.  But if we can manage to take those deep breaths and count to 10 (meditation works wonders, my friends!), we just may learn something from our stressful situation.  Dr. Dean Ornish put it succinctly when he said:  "pain and suffering [a.k.a. stress] can be a powerful doorway for transforming our lives for the better."  Does that sound counter-intuitive?  It's really not.  Let me give an example from my own life.

Recently I was faced with the realization that someone I have felt close to did not seem to return my affections to the same degree.  This hit me like a ton of bricks.  I felt sad, foolish, and confused.  You might say I felt stressed! I had anticipated this person being an important part of my life for years to come, and suddenly it no longer seemed like that was the case.  While crying in the bathroom, looking at my tear-stained, mascara-streaked face, the Universe once again gave me a much-needed thump on the head:  If this person did not love me, was I therefore unlovable? 

As I pondered my reflection, I already knew the answer:  What's not to love?  I have not changed simply because another person does not want to be with me any longer.   It is a part of their own journey to determine whom to welcome or dismiss from their life.  If I choose to hold onto my stress and grief over the seeming loss of any relationship, it is to my own detriment.  I gave thanks and dried my eyes, getting on with the rest of my day.

The blessed irony of my own situation is that, within 24 hours of releasing my "need" for this person, they popped back up on the radar, reaffirmed their enjoyment of our relationship, and all was right in the world!  Well, at least where this person is concerned.  The lesson learned, however, remains a significant one for me. 

In general, stressful situations are temporary.  We are not designed to live with chronic, dangerous levels of stress.  It is to come and go, propelling us to grow, let go, learn, and move on.   We all grieve losses and fear change to some degree, but we must not get trapped in that place.  Stress will always be with us, because change is part of life.  The sooner we learn to view it as a doorway to transition, the better it will serve us. 

"Maturity is achieved when a person accepts life as full of tension."  ~Joshua L. Liebman

PRAYER:
I know that there is One Intelligence.  It is perfect, whole, complete, and harmonious. There is One life:  That Life is God, that Life is perfect, that Life is my life, now.  I know that Divine Intelligence now guides and directs my every thought and action.  I know what to do, when to do it, and how to do it.  I am open to receive loving instruction through my life situations, and to learn from each one.  I now embrace today's lesson:  I receive it, understand it, and apply my new-found knowledge to help me grow in this life, and pass on my knowledge so that others may benefit from it.  For this knowledge, for this understanding, I am grateful. I give thanks that all this is so. And So It Is.

With a thankful heart,

Rev. Jan

Greener Grass, or Just Stronger Fertilizer?

Lately much of my time has been consumed by pondering The Grass.  You know which grass I mean - that which is always greener, just on the other side of the fence.  As the good Dr. Phil has been heard to say, "The grass may be greener on the other side - but you still have to mow it!"

There comes a time in life (okay, it is generally between the ages of 35-45) when human beings experience a wake-up call.  I refuse to call it a "mid-life crisis" because that sounds so negative.  This is usually after several years of marriage, when the children are becoming more independent, and Mom and Dad actually get some breathing space.  There is a certain dissatisfaction that can creep up on us, a gnawing sensation something like:
OMYGOD!  MY LIFE IS HALF OVER AND IT IS NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!  The dissatisfaction quickly gives way to panic, and much time is spent mulling over what to do.  Why I am I so unhappy?  Why did I marry this idiot?  Who carved these wrinkles and injected my arse with fat?! etc., etc..  The amount of time one spends trapped in this cycle of unhappiness varies, and also yields differing results according to the user.

Considering most of us marry when we are too young even to know when to come in from the rain, that is often a very handy excuse for the dissatisfaction.  Considering marriage nowadays generally does not seem to have a shelf-life greater than 20 years also gives an excuse: NO ONE could possibly remain married, it is unnatural, etc.  Yet this is a shift which has only come about in the last 35 yrs or so.  Speaking as one who has struggled with the notion of "til death do us part," (or at least considered speeding things along by way of a cast-iron frying pan to the head), I certainly understand the tedium, frustration, and anxiety inspired by marriage!

So what to do when "TGIAG" (The Grass Is Always Greener) syndrome strikes?  Firstly, recognize it as normal!  Dismiss any useless guilt that may crop up over such musings.  In the wise words of the late Albert Einstein, “Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”  It is your right, even your duty, to question your own life:  how you got to this point, and whether it is in your own best interest to continue in your current direction.  You have infinitely more power than you think you do!  We all possess the power to improve our life; the question is whether or not we possess the courage to do so.  Without meaning to sound trite, it takes courage both to stay the course (when dissatisfied) and it also takes courage to abandon ship!  


My advice to you this day is not to rush into life-changing decisions.  Do your research, whether contemplating a career change or a relationship change.  There is no one more qualified to make your decision than you, as you alone know all of the ins and outs of your own life to this point.  You alone can decide what steps to take to improve your situation.  However, as my infinitely wise and equally annoying husband has been fond of telling me, dissatisfaction tends to follow us.  I believe what he is implying is that satisfaction basically must be manufactured from the inside out, rather than a simple change of circumstance (and when I say "circumstance," I also mean "partner!").  


There you have it - my deep thoughts on a fine March day, when the world is starting to awaken, albeit slowly, from the long grey slumber of winter.  This may be the season that you, too, start to awaken, and question all that you thought you knew!  Take it slowly, my friend.  Read, ponder, ask, and listen.  Be honest with yourself, if nothing else.  


Namaste, 
Rev. Jan


PRAYER TREATMENT:
My mind is part of the Infinite Mind.  I now receive the collective wisdom of all who have been and ever will be, giving me peace and directing my steps.  The wisdom of the ruling power of the Universe flows through me, and I easily receive proper direction in every area of my life.  I am open to receive all that is best for me, with sincere gratitude.  And so it is!

New Year, New Opportunities!

In looking for a quote to summarize my past year, I came across one in M. Scott Peck's book The Road Less Traveled & Beyond:  Spiritual Growth in an Age of Anxiety.  It reads:

"Once a mind is truly stretched, it never returns to its former dimensions."

I just love that.  This has been one of the most difficult years of my entire life, as I have grappled, for the first time in earnest, with the Deep Questions about life, the universe, and everything.  I have cried.  I have yelled.  I have shaken my fist and I have heaved my shoulders, finally yielding to the Truth that what I had previously thought to be the Only Truth was instead a V.I.M.  That stands for Very Important Metaphor.  When one has lived their entire life taking a metaphor as the literal truth, one is in for quite an awakening upon finally becoming conscious! 

I now recognize my true, complete freedom in this world.  Without someone else insisting that I behave and/or believe in a certain way, I have total liberation - and total responsibility.  Whether I succeed or fail in my endeavors is totally up to me.  It is both daunting and thrilling at the same time.  This has been my first real year of adulthood, as I see it.  It only took me a full 40 years to get here!

HARDEST MOMENTS IN 2010:
Weight gain.
Bankruptcy.
Marital crisis.

BEST MOMENTS IN 2010:
Getting our dog!
Camping with friends.
Realizing that I no longer believe what I once did - and that I am all the richer for it.
Redefining my marriage, and finding that it is better than I had ever imagined it could be. 

WHAT I AM EXCITED ABOUT IN 2011:
Continued growth mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
Old and new friendships.
Enjoying full health!
More time with family.
Changing careers - scary and exciting!
Performing with my band(s) and loving every minute on stage!

This New Year not only signifies the end of 2010, but the end of an entire decade.  This is significant.  Take a minute to ponder your life and how it has changed over the past 10 years.  Amazing, isn't it?  Over the past 10 years, I have moved numerous times; re-entered the work force; taken up a new career; transitioned my children from homeschool to regular school; and had my eyes opened on numerous occasions.  As John Lennon said, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans."   How true!

The New Year, and the next decade, will doubtless bring many obstacles your way.  My challenge to you (and to me), is to instead see those same obstacles as opportunities.  The next 365 days will pass, regardless.  The question is, will you use them to grow?  To work towards new goals, refining them as required?  Pay attention when the Universe seems to deny your requests.  You may need to rephrase them, or otherwise adjust your course. 

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

I am thankful for the passing of this year into the next.  I am thankful for the pain as well as the joy; for that is where true growth occurs.  I recognize that I am part of all that is in this Universe, and that I am able to share in its collective abundance and wisdom.  I give thanks for the breath which has sustained me, and for the unseen forces that have guided me safely through another journey around the sun.  I receive with gratitude the lessons to be learned in the New Year, and will do my best to learn them quickly.  And so it is.

May 2011 exceed your hopes and expectations! 
- Rev. Jan

The Most Wonderful Time Of the Year!

As the song says, this is The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.  Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, Christmas certainly does seem to be the time of year that brings out the best in people.  Despite the frazzle and frustration of trying to stretch those dollars just a little farther in order to get that *perfect* gift; despite the lack of parking spaces at the mall; and despite our lack of will power to resist yet another butter tart and glass of eggnog, there is still a joy peculiar to this special time of year.  I have noticed extra patience shown by drivers and shoppers alike.  I have seen folks who don't have much throw a little something into the Salvation Army Kettle to make Christmas merry for someone else.  I have been blessed to see some who don't normally practice volunteerism   don an apron and serve turkey dinner to those in need.

So, even though at times throughout this season I have felt more Bah! Humbug!  than Merry Christmas, on this Christmas Eve I do find myself reflecting on the joys that are present (pardon the Christmas pun) in my life all year through.  I have been blessed with friends, family, and good health.  I don't have much money, but I certainly have more than many who live in other parts of the globe.  If I need medical care, there is a hospital in my city.  We can afford insulin for our daughter.  Our car is still running.  Blessings abound, if we look for them.

My Christmas wish for you is that you will know deep, abiding peace, regardless of your current situation.  If I have learned anything in this life, it is the truth of the statement that "This, too, shall pass."  You may be broke today, and a millionaire tomorrow.  The only constant for us is change, so we'd better embrace it and learn from it.  As I look out at the stars twinkling above Canada this Christmas Eve, I am sending thoughts of peace and joy out into this beautiful world.

Namaste,
Rev. Janice