Monday, March 7, 2011

Greener Grass, or Just Stronger Fertilizer?

Lately much of my time has been consumed by pondering The Grass.  You know which grass I mean - that which is always greener, just on the other side of the fence.  As the good Dr. Phil has been heard to say, "The grass may be greener on the other side - but you still have to mow it!"

There comes a time in life (okay, it is generally between the ages of 35-45) when human beings experience a wake-up call.  I refuse to call it a "mid-life crisis" because that sounds so negative.  This is usually after several years of marriage, when the children are becoming more independent, and Mom and Dad actually get some breathing space.  There is a certain dissatisfaction that can creep up on us, a gnawing sensation something like:
OMYGOD!  MY LIFE IS HALF OVER AND IT IS NOT WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE!!!  The dissatisfaction quickly gives way to panic, and much time is spent mulling over what to do.  Why I am I so unhappy?  Why did I marry this idiot?  Who carved these wrinkles and injected my arse with fat?! etc., etc..  The amount of time one spends trapped in this cycle of unhappiness varies, and also yields differing results according to the user.

Considering most of us marry when we are too young even to know when to come in from the rain, that is often a very handy excuse for the dissatisfaction.  Considering marriage nowadays generally does not seem to have a shelf-life greater than 20 years also gives an excuse: NO ONE could possibly remain married, it is unnatural, etc.  Yet this is a shift which has only come about in the last 35 yrs or so.  Speaking as one who has struggled with the notion of "til death do us part," (or at least considered speeding things along by way of a cast-iron frying pan to the head), I certainly understand the tedium, frustration, and anxiety inspired by marriage!

So what to do when "TGIAG" (The Grass Is Always Greener) syndrome strikes?  Firstly, recognize it as normal!  Dismiss any useless guilt that may crop up over such musings.  In the wise words of the late Albert Einstein, Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.”  It is your right, even your duty, to question your own life:  how you got to this point, and whether it is in your own best interest to continue in your current direction.  You have infinitely more power than you think you do!  We all possess the power to improve our life; the question is whether or not we possess the courage to do so.  Without meaning to sound trite, it takes courage both to stay the course (when dissatisfied) and it also takes courage to abandon ship!  

My advice to you this day is not to rush into life-changing decisions.  Do your research, whether contemplating a career change or a relationship change.  There is no one more qualified to make your decision than you, as you alone know all of the ins and outs of your own life to this point.  You alone can decide what steps to take to improve your situation.  However, as my infinitely wise and equally annoying husband has been fond of telling me, dissatisfaction tends to follow us.  I believe what he is implying is that satisfaction basically must be manufactured from the inside out, rather than a simple change of circumstance (and when I say "circumstance," I also mean "partner!").  

There you have it - my deep thoughts on a fine March day, when the world is starting to awaken, albeit slowly, from the long grey slumber of winter.  This may be the season that you, too, start to awaken, and question all that you thought you knew!  Take it slowly, my friend.  Read, ponder, ask, and listen.  Be honest with yourself, if nothing else.  

Rev. Jan

My mind is part of the Infinite Mind.  I now receive the collective wisdom of all who have been and ever will be, giving me peace and directing my steps.  The wisdom of the ruling power of the Universe flows through me, and I easily receive proper direction in every area of my life.  I am open to receive all that is best for me, with sincere gratitude.  And so it is!